He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
