I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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