9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
