You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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