apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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