Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So vagazzling was a success
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