The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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