I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
