Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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