I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
