Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
COCAINE IS GR8
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
