Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
