Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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