so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
