Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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