What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
