My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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