just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
as a side note pls kill me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
