Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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