Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
