i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
