Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
