True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
