cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
