Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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