Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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