I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
