We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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