I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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