How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
