We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
