I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
