When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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