so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
