I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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