He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
