i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
