In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
