So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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