you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
