Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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