Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
