I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
