Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You took a bar mat shot.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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