some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
