OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
