meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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