He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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