Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
