ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
