I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
