Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
