After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
