i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
