I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
